Institutions of Higher Learning

I, as many of you know, received a Masters Degree from Cambridge University.

Not to brag or anything.

I also know others that attend famous institutions around the world, and what most amazes me about their experience, as well as my own, is that people at the best universities in the world are still animals, still crazy, still idiots.

And so, I share with you the following email, with all names removed, but with all original information and photography retained. Enjoy! I won't say what school the email comes from, but suffice it to say that it is from one of the most elite and important universities in the world.

(note: those that are fecophobic may not wish to scroll too far down)

Dear all,

I am extremely disappointed to have to contact you regarding a matter which was brought to my attention on Saturday afternoon.

You may be aware that the bathroom on the ground floor of your building had to be closed on Saturday afternoon - this is because someone thought it appropriate to defecate on the bathroom floor and do nothing about cleaning up the resulting mess (the attached is a photograph of what greeted me when I checked the room in question on Saturday afternoon).
I was unable to get any emergency cleaning services into the building until earlier this morning but the room has now been cleaned and re-opened.

Someone must know who is responsible for this incident, whether it is the individual themselves or one of their guests, and I would ask that they come forward to me before 5pm on Wednesday 21st October; if no-one comes forward, I will have no option other than to refer this matter to the Dean.

Furthermore, please note that, under the terms of your tenancy contract (1.11), if no-one comes forward, I reserve the right to impose an administrative charge on all residents in addition to the additional costs imposed by the cleaning company.

I look forward to hearing from the person responsible for this incident in the near future.

Sincerely,

X