The Ralph McGibbons Music Hour, Episode 3

Ralph McGibbons's Music Hour: Episode 2

Ralph McGibbons Presents.....

The Ralph McGibbons Music Hour with Ralph McGibbons, Episode 2, in which he speaks about the importance, beauty, and everpresent nature of music in our every day lives.

Ralph McGibbons's Music Hour

Half Box/Half Men

Two highly disturbing glimpses of half box/half man creatures.  Watch at your own risk.

Boxing Videos

Carrots

Beautiful garden carrots!

Joseph

I'm thinking of building a clay oven, and I was reminded of a guy that Beth once told me about.
I think that he's amazing.

http://www.latimes.com/news/custom/topofthetimes/topstories/la-me-weeds-ss,0,4653627.htmlstory

419 Scammers

Below you will find correspondence that I have recently had with a Nigerian 419 scammer.  Enjoy it! If you get bored reading the scammer portion of the dialogue below, feel free to merely skim that part.  It is boring and badly written.  My emails are in red.  His emails are in black. 

Note:  Somehow I lost the original email from Mr. Andy.  You can imagine it, though, quite easily I am sure.  The email was a pretty standard Nigerian 419 Scam Email.  Our correspondence begins, therefore, with my first email to him.   (Actually, it's my second email, if I remember correctly, since I originally responded with my real name and then realized I was being dumb). 

Another Note:  If you don't know what a Nigerian 419 scam is, you can read this article.  Essentially, all those annoying emails that you may receive that tell a crazy tale of someone finding money or having access to money in a bank account from a dead person or writing to you from a church and needing help and asking you for your assistance in some way (usually by receiving a check--forged or stolen--depositing it, and sending them money or something of the sort) -- those are nearly all what are called "419 scams".  The name comes from a number in the Nigerian Penal code for this sort of crime.  There are all sorts of people, much more talented than I, around the world, who dedicate great amounts of time and energy to messing with these scam artists, for varying reasons.  Mostly though, they seem to do it for fun, as well as to waste the time of the scammers, thus preventing them from spending that time on real scams with real marks.  So, take a moment to read my own humble offering to the art form of scam-baiting.  Grab a cup of coffee or a beer, sit back, and enjoy!

Andy,

This is Chris's cousin, Pedro Lamoto.  Chris has recently had to leave the country (to England, in fact, and it seems for good), but he forwarded me your message, thinking that it might interest me.

Now, This all seems a bit odd.  How do I know that you're on the up and up and that you are who you say you are?

How do I even know that you are in the UK? I'm a bit worried.

Can you send me a photo of yourself in London? Perhaps you could be holding a sign that says, "Sirius.B is the real McCoy"?

(Sirius.B is a star in the dog constellation).

Thanks, and I hope you undertstand my worries.  I want to trust you, but there are a lot of bad people out there, and I just want to make sure you aren't one of them.

Thanks!

Pedro

YOUR MOTHER

Dear Andy, 

I think that you sent this email to me by mistake.  I am still interested in dealing with you.

Sincerely,

Pedro

i say your mother

Now Andy,

Perhaps your time in the UK hasn't been all that helpful linguistically, but I find it my duty to inform you that this sort of language is not at all polite.  

If you are interested in a business deal, you shall have to refrain from such insults and affronts.

Sincerely,

Pedro LaMoto

Dear Pedro,

I have actually sent this to  like four or five business  tycoons whom I have had interests in their businesses . as you can see I am having sleepless night as all I want now is to see that I move these funds out Sydney to a safe foreign account. I have to respond to you in that manner because of a way you asked me to pose in a picture. was that supposed to be a joke to an important email i sent to you? I am a professional banker for more than 30years now working under HSBC Bank Australia where my job ranges from intercontinental transaction between United KINGDOM and Australia. The deceased mans account is with The HSBC Bank in Sydney.

In my previous Email Proposal to you, I stated how the said funds came about,""I handle the account deposit and have mapped out strategies for the release of the funds to you, as the next of kin to the fund devoid of any problem with each of our government agencies involved with monitory transaction across our shores.

All confirmable legal documents to back up the claims as the next of kin, will be effected on your behalf here in Sydney from a court of competent jurisdiction by an appointed attorney, who will make such submission to our banking corporation data base as the eligible kin to the deceased prior to the remittance, at which stage my bank will contact you on the modalities for such transfer.

TRANSACTION:

I will affix your name as the next of kin to the late depositor, open a file in my office with some documents to be, back dated to qualify you as the mentioned kin to the deposit, so as to claim the fund.The file will be presented to our Governing Board/Council for verification and approval and once your file is approved, you will be contacted to come down for signing of the Funds Release Order that will facilitate and expedite the transfer of the funds to your account. This is a fair deal without any risk attached, as the transaction will be 100% risk free, on either your part or on my part as long as we comply with the laws governing the claiming of funds in our establishment.

The  attorney here too will secure for you all the needed legal back up documents for the approval and the release of the funds to you, these legal documents shall include Certificate of next of kin, and some other documents, the documents will be made available to you in the course of the transfer, this will take care of the fear of the source of the funds and also cover for any other question from your home government on the source and origin of the funds. 

Regards,

Andy Turner

Hi Andy,

It is good to hear back from you.  I am willing to help you, though it may take me some time to get to this.  Is there a big rush?

We're currently in a big crunch with a business deal here in Arizona.  My boss is breathing down my neck as I try to finish a merger with a large German manufacturing company.  (I can't get into specifics, unfortunately, but trust me when I say that this a big deal).  

It is possible that we may have a need for the help of friends in England, as some of the funds for our merger will need to pass through London (for various tax reasons).  Perhaps we can help each other?

Pedro

PS

Please forgive me if I came off as rude in the original email.  I have received emails before that struck me as suspicious, and I really want to make sure that I can trust people with whom I am in contact.  Especially at a time like this, when I'm dealing with such important, time-consuming, and expensive deals for my company.  Is there some way that you can verify your identity and credentials?

Thanks in advance.

Sincerely,

Pedro LaMoto

Dear Pedro

Attached is a copy of my passport on trust for your perusal  , so that you will have some idea about me.  (note: a scanned copy of a passport was attached to the email)

My friend all said and done, with my expertise, I know how to get these funds transferred with out any hitch and I will get all the supporting documents, specially the clearance certificates, I don't think there will be any STOP ORDER from any monetary agencies, since we can prove it is clean money.

I will be working with my bank as soon as they start corresponding with you and don't have to worry about you being involved, our bank will never know that I am behind the scene.  Friendly reminder,you will provide your my bank details . Let us put this in prayer for HIS guidance and successful conclusion of this project.

Remain Blessed.

Andy Turner

Hi Andy,

Great to hear back from you, and thanks for sending along the copy of your passport.  That makes me feel much better.  How is it you Aussies say it, Put another shrimp on the barby?

I am looking forward to hearing from your bank soon regarding this transaction.  Do you know if this will be fletted at all? Should I expect any issues with my Bloozenplunk account, or is this completely separate?

I have been praying to Lord Jesus Christ on this transaction, and all signs seem to point to "GO!!!!" 

He is blessed, and may you be blessed too!

Judgingly Yours,

Pedro LaMoto

Dear Pedro

I have taking every pre-cautionary measures as it affects the international  laws,on money transfer  I will really like to clarify you, so that you will not take this transaction as a scam or some kind of hoax. just because I know you might have been advised on this issue with referrence to the email you sent  to me.

.I am a top banker and with my several years in the service I am due to a better Gratuity which I don’t want to risk. that was why I needed everything legally processed, so that I can retire with a very good reputation.

One thing is that you might receive several letters of proposal but how many is real, really  in the world today people utilize opportunities both in Bank and other field of endevour, but you have to follow the procedure religiously so that you can know when you are being cheated.

I will not collect any cent from you in advance without justifying the purpose and it will be very practical .in addition every thing in this world that is imitated must have come from the original ones, that is scam is as a result of previous successful money transactions in the past, so this things don’t just start like that it emanates from a genuine  previous transaction so i don’t want you to see this transaction as such .

This transaction has no risk because it will be processed with every legal due process I will guide you accordingly and want you to take my directives for us to succeed.

I am waiting for your authority so that  I can expedite action on processing and procurement of the legal documents to back up your claim for the banks approval in your favor’ Please scam is for unemployed people who don’t have any source of livelihood .I am not a pauper only that i want to utilise this opportunity to invest and create employment ,because if we dont move this money the bank board of directors will share the money among themselves and squander it unnecessarily that is the policy on dormant account within the bank here.

If you have resolved to assist me i will give you the entire details of the transaction,but i am promising you that every process will follow every legal due processes,so that we dont breach the monetary regulations of My country,even your country and that of the international community.

You have to know that we all have our reputations and status to protect.

Regards

Andy Turner

I am waiting

Hello Andy,

It is good to hear back from you.  I am very interested in working with you.  You are correct in that all scams are essentially copies of real business deals.  Otherwise, why would anyone fall for such things? I am also glad to hear of your years of experience.  I too have been working in business for many years, and while I have been rather successful (my wife is swimming in our pool, right now :), the top executives at my company have been taking most of the credit and most of the money, while I continue to get regularly shafted in the cornholio.  I'm sure that you agree with me that that is unfair.

I feel that with the Lord's guidance, your business acumen, and some hard work on our parts, we we will be able to make this work.  Perhaps then I will finally be invited to be a part of the Charlie Tan Country Club (in Snake Oil, Arizona).  This is one of my life's greatest ambitions.  

Now, I have some questions regarding how this will work:  Are you sure that this man has no next of kin who is more deserving of this money than you are? Don't get me wrong -- it is obvious that both you and I are very deserving of these funds, but I want to make sure that there is no one else who is perhaps more related to the deceased than we are. I'd also be happy to know that nobody will be trying to say that I'm not a relative of the deceased (which, with the help of your lawyers, I will be, and I'm sure that I will then truly feel the weight of his death upon me, as I already do a little bit).  I'm also curious as to how the particulars of this transaction will take place. Do you think that I should see to a funeral or some sort of service for the man? Do you perhaps have any contacts in the funeral business who could help me to set up a memorial in his memory?

Do you have spiritual guidance there in Australia? I'm thinking that I'd like to discuss this matter with my pastor and my rabbi (I belong to a multi-denominational church-temple here in Arizona--it's a very interesting place with many rabbits in cages and that sort of thing).  Andy--I think that it would be good for both of us to seek the guidance of the Almighty in this instance.  Only with His word can we decide how to proceed.  Though, to be quite honest, I'm pretty sure that he'd be on our side of the court, don't you think so too?

I may also speak with my wife and children on this matter, as they always have very good advice for things, like when my wife tells me I should cut my hair, because the ends of my comb-over are curling and popping out of the sleeves of my short-sleeved, button-up, collared and checkered shirt.  Or, like the time my children recommended that I try one of their freeze pops that they had recently made, since it was only half-frozen and sort of like a Slurpee (do you have Slurpees there in Australia? They're delicious!).  Those were both instances of amazing advice, and I think that they might have good advice for me in this instance.  

Do you have family there, Andy?  Family is a wonderful thing to have, especially when one is wealthy, as one can share one's wealth with others.  I would love to have that opportunity, Andy, I truly would. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Pedro LaMoto

Dear Pedro,

12:19:34

Thanks for your urgent response, the choice of contacting Mr. Chris is aroused from the geographical nature of where you live, particularly due to the sensitivity of the transaction and the confidentiality herein. Now our bank has been waiting for any of the relatives to come up for the claim but nobody has done that. I personally have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for 4 years now.

I now seek your consent to present you as the next of kin /Beneficiary to the deceased so that the proceeds of this account valued at US$25, 000, 000, 00 can be paid to you. This will be disbursed 50% to me and 30% to you while 20% will be given to charity organizations in your country.

All I need is to fill in your names to the documents and legalize it in the court here to prove you as the legitimate beneficiary.

Also I require your honest Co-operation, Confidentiality and absolute Trust no doubt, to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee you that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please, provide me with the following as we have 5 days to run it through.

This is very URGENT PLEASE.

1. Your Full Name

2.  '' Telephone Number

3.  '' Contact Address.

4.  '' Occupation

5. '' International passport

Your urgent response will be highly anticipated and appreciated.

Best Regards,

Andy Turner

Dear Andrew,

It is nice to hear back from you so quickly. It is obvious that you are a very serious, hard-working, and phleteal man, and I am happy to see that.  I too am all of those things, and I think it makes most sense (in the business world, in the boardroom, and the bedroom for that matter) to work with people of like temperaments, don't you think so, Andy?

I will be very happy to provide you with the information that you need, however, I have some more questions and things that we need to work out.  Regarding the percentage that you propose, I think that perhaps we should discuss this.  I am a very charitable man (I helped an old woman to cross the street this morning, and just now, I left a half-eaten cruller in the office break room, since I know that the cleaning lady -- Isabela Gonzalez -- is quite fond of sweets -- perhaps too fond in fact, considering her diabetes, though her health is surely her own concern and not mine or the government's -- and I think that she will enjoy it).  So, as you can see, I am a very charitable man.  That said, I like to feel that I am charitable and therefore have the freedom to donate to charities of my own devising, and would therefore like to propose that we split the amount evenly -- 50% to you, and 50% to me.  I reckon that we should both, you and I, donate to charity from our own amounts.  How does 10% sound to you?

I also would like to note that I am on the one, in this instance, to have lost a family member, and it therefore seems to me only fair that I be given this requested percentage, to alleviate pain, suffering, etc.  Though we all lose family members (I only wish that you could be spared this sort of pain that I am currently experiencing, believe me, I would like to spare you that, I would even take the pain on my own shoulders, as they are broad and strong and richly maned), in this instance, let's remember that I am to be the next of kin, and it is therefore my duty to feel the hurt, beat my chest, pull out my hair, and ultimately suffer and mourn for this man, and to provide a due memorial to his credit and honor.  I'm sure that you would do nothing less for your own kin.

Also, as regards my passport.  I have been traveling for some time under another passport, as well as with my wife's passport.  This is a long story, but let me briefly say that it involves international travel, endangered animals, and two transvestites.  I really don't have the time to get into the story much more, but I will check with my pastor-rabbi to see if he feels it would be cathartic to discuss it with you at greater length.  Would that be okay with you, Andy?  I am currently working on contacting my local embassies, consulates, lawyers, etc, etc, to work on getting a new passport with my current name, address, face, etc, etc.  I will forward you a copy as soon as I receive the 'port (that's what we call it these days, since passport is such a long word to say, though just by explaining that, I've spent more time than I would have spent just writing out passport.).   

My full name is, of course, currently Pedro LaMoto.  Some people spell it "LaMooto", but I spell it "LaMoto".  

My address, my dear friend, is also currently in flux, though I expect this little hiccup to be cleared up soon.  I will both breathing into paper bags and working on expediting the closing on my new home (we are currently living in a home that will soon be sold, as I will be buying a much bigger house with a great deal of land in a deal I am working on).  My address situation is therefore a bit up in the air at the moment, though I expect this to be cleared up shortly.

By trade, Andrew, I am a working man, a business man, a man of the night and the day.  If a title is needed to fit into a box on your form, feel free to write "Businessman" -- I would please that you would pronounce this all as one word with the final "a" being rolled over quickly, almost like an "e", similar to the way that the plural form of the word is pronounced, but not exactly the same. I appreciate that, Andy, I do.

Now, before we continue with any more business particulars, it is important, I feel, in business, to know more about your partners.  Are you a family man, Andy? Are you saved? Do you believe, like I do, that Jesus both did and did not exist, and that we both should and should not eat pork? Do you both mix your dairy and meat and keep them separate on your plate?  Is your member both snipped and fully hooded? Are you married? Do you live in a big house with a great deal of land? Do you prefer double or single-breasted suits?

These are all important questions, Andrew, and I'll feel that I know you much better once I know these answers.  I, by the way, am partial to single-breasted suits, windsor ties, sleeveless shirts, and crotchless panties.  It is thusly that I feel most comfortable and able to affect business deals.

Sincerely,

Pedro LaMoto

PS I am so excited to be getting to know you! I already feel that we know each other well, but the better friends we become the more money we can make, and the more I will trust in you.  Much love. West Side!

THANKS BYE

Andrew?

I'm not sure I understood your last email.  I assume that we will be talking soon?

Pedro LaMoto

I do not know who you are, Mr Pedro Rodriguez. We can not proceed. Do not contact me anymore. A.T.

Mr. Turner,

I have tried time and again to say the same thing to you.  It is important that we know one another.  I am happy and willing to tell you all about myself so that you trust me. 

Please do not leave me like this.  It is important that I make some money.  My lovely wife (the one who I mentioned was in the swimming pool earlier) is thinking of leaving me for a younger man.  It is of the utmost importance that I make enough money to buy this new home and satisfy her desires.  

Please reconsider this, I beg you.  I may also be able to help you with the aforementioned deals that my company is currently pursuing. 

Sincerely,

Pedro LaMoto

END OF TRANSMISSION. L

Audio/Video Posts Below

Regarding the audio/video posts below:

Bear with them.  In both cases, the beginning may be slightly slow, but I've deemed the openings of the audio clips necessary to feel the entire experience of the phone call.  Especially in regards to "part deux" -- the wait is, I believe, worth it.

Also, coming soon -- correspondence with Nigerian 419 scammers.  Exciting!