29 February 2008

Craig's List

Here are some more goodies from Craig's List (I have quoted from this site in the past).

I occasionally check out the "Missed Connections" section of Craig's List, an area where people write anonymously to people with whom they have felt a "missed connection". For example, if John makes meaningful eye contact with Jane in the grocery store but does not try and speak with her (and later regrets it), he may place on ad on "Missed Connections". It might read something like, "I saw you in the grocery store. I was wearing a wig and you were wearing a blue shirt with red pants. We looked at each other near the mustard. I'd love to see you again."

Or something like that.

Anyway, there is some character that seems to often post on this section of the site, writing amusing and amazing posts chock full of surreal images and interesting people. Below I have included the text from two such posts:

Subject: OMG the accident, I forgot about the accident

i swear, i don't know how, but i forgot all about the accident. of course the latvian/macedonian bint from ohio isn't carrying your love child. she wishes! don't we all, don't we all.

i told sigrid her jackal pants were confiscated at the border by irritable monkeys along with the tire rims and peanut butter cups. i think she'd rather believe they're being worn by some canadian sex-toy factory worker than torn and greasy and marked with the evidence of your alteration. (when do you get the stitches out, by the way?)

i hope you don't worry about your recent loss. you still radiate your special aura of sweet pickle relish and frothy lattes, and we all still want your crystal blessings, even benny, even after you unintentionally led him on with your talk of sensory deprivation tanks and organic radishes. how was he to know? thats what multi-level marketing does to a feller.

uncle jimmie said to tell you that wasn't him wearing the gladiator shoes at the klan meeting, he had lent them to his neighbor george, the one with the four daughters and the goat farm.


Subject: did you get the KFC and the craft foam I sent you?

u know how fond i am of dandelions so it only makes me wonder why you stayed on the ferris wheel so long. you missed the pony rides and drinking cherry hi-c behind the garage. lulu asked where you were and someone told her you'd joined the foreign legion because you like their hats, so she told the audience about when she used to be a mermaid. they all believed her because of how she smells. uncle jimmie said to tell you he's been getting treatment for his bunions and that you can borrow his humidifier any time as long as you promise to marry that latvian girl you knocked up. he doesn't know anything about the gold medal you won at the tractor pull that you took to the pawn shop to trade for that electric guitar and you can trust i won't mention it! drop me a line sometime and let me know if chartreuse really is your favorite color.

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